The X factor is going to be spoiling my weekends for a while. My woman has been watching it in my absence and now has committed to seeing it to the end, so I’ll probably be inadvertantly listening to it for the next few weeks. Best to get the whinging about it out of the way now, I suppose.
Fuck you, Simon Cowell. I hope you die. I honestly don’t care how as long as it happens soon. You will die in my lifetime (I’ll make fucking sure to live until you’re dead) and I will celebrate your death. When Simon Cowell dies, I’ll be reacting in the same manner that Wales’s mining towns reacted to the death of Thatcher. There WILL be parades, there WILL be fireworks, there WILL be a blood sacrifice to show my gratitude. Fuck you, Cowell and everything you do. Manufacturing more shit, lining your pockets on other people’s talent because your only talent is being a smug cunt, cutting the cultural throat of our nation and drinking it’s still warm blood. That last bit was a quote from some bird on “Mock the Week” years ago that has always stuck with me. It describes what Simon Cowell has done rather well, I think.
These “talent” shows don’t have much talent on them. You can tell just by looking at them who’s going to go through to the judges’ mansions and who’s going back home to end it all. The show’s actually all about the judges, and their totally important and valuable opinions on who’s got “the X factor”. This is basically “who’s going to sell the most singles at Christmas that we can capitalise on”. The contestants just have to sing a familiar song (something that’s popular already and is likely to boost sales) and have a tragic backstory. The real hard part is deciding which contestant will be putting the crimbo single out. The judges get all emotional, rejecting people all day, so we need to cut them some slack. We need to start a fucking charity for these hard-done-by cretins. These people have it SO FUCKING HARD. They have to choose between the guy who sang a song, and the other guy who sang a song! Both guys are so similarly talented, and both have equally tragic backstories, and these poor souls have to DECIDE WHICH ONE TO SEND HOME! They might as well be sending someone to their grave if they send them home, because these contestants have just GOT TO WIN IT! It means so much to them, and it’s in the judges hands! I can’t keep this up. Fuck this pish.
How can anyone still give a fuck about this charade? You all know it’s emotionally manipulative, consumerist, elitist, self-serving shit, right? You know it’s a money-spinning, media-whoring, ego-raping turd-circus, right? You know it’s a wallet-buggering, culture-murdering shower of cretins selling you plastic-packaged teeny-bopper ear-spunk, right? Right?